Putney Passions

I recently had a further breakthrough with failure – in the gym!

In the past month I hired a personal trainer. He's training me in general fitness and upper body development. For those not familiar with weight training, in lifting weights for the purpose of building muscle, it's important to get to the point of failure in lifting the weight. From my trainer's perspective, full failure in each exercise is an excellent workout!

ahem – not for my traditional and well ingrained relationship to failure!! Failure for me has been the "final judgement". Definitely no chance for another attempt. Failure always results in humiliating personal rejection – not only being alone, but ridiculed by those who have witnessed my failure.

Now add to this spicy mix the fact that I'm gay and I'm working out in gym in Central London full of male models, professional dancers and a good sprinkling of celebrities. Hmm… personal, physical, public failure every 5 minutes or so…. (it's bad enough working out in the middle of this physical manifestation of "Men's Health" magazine!)

Well, it just kinda happened. In no small measure as a result of the support of my trainer, I now am free with failure in the gym! I grunt and groan and give it my all until I fail – and then my trainer asks for more and I give it – even when I have absolutely nothing left. What a liberating experience. It no longer matter who's there, what the weights are, how many reps I actually accomplished. I'm free and accepting that the point of the work is to fail completely.

Imagine the freedom. Imagine the effectiveness.